cologne - ludwig museum

cologne - post-war skyline/housing units

cologne - odonien nightclub

paris - water in the public realm

inside/outside

I needed out. I felt space-bound. Somewhere deeply secured underneath me, the past could still safely grow. Soon I would be near the top of the skyline with a probing lightness, which will render me dizzy enough to break through the cyclic and rounded appearance of time. Whatever magnetic barrier would be the only thing between me and where my body is in space. I would be free to swim through the foamy clouds to observe each little bubble as a different life scenario. I’d like to find the planet where actions have no consequences and intention alone is self-fulfilling.

space

He brings me to a place with transient white clouds that light up all the questions he dared not ask himself. They move away each time I blink but I can see through someone's discarded glasses. He had grown to mean a magical world removed from me. I loved looking at the light-colored buildings that radiated an all-consuming warmth and blew away all my doubt of being. Being simply by acknowledging that I was seeing. That I was feeling the love I could not offer and that he could not accept. Other than this, everything seemed perfect to me.

reality

Perhaps it was during a sunny late afternoon just like today’s when I was a child hoping the beautiful fall weather meant reality could be more than it was at that moment. Hearing the creaky swing set move back and forth reminded me that life mainly manages to move between different re-occurring stages. First the novelty of youth, either of myself or just the situation, presents a need to achieve the next step so the wholly realized situation can present itself. Usually this is followed by the sleepy complacency of my small presence in the world. Then, just as I felt 20 years ago, comes the tingling need to find out either what I did wrong to deserve a wonderfully function life or how the universe was able to pinpoint me among billions of people to serve me such a bitter pie. There must be a missing piece of string or picture to tie together reality as it appears to me and what it could be tomorrow if I made some small choice to change its fluidity in an effort to see each shiny new day.